Marriages that last are not always devoid of conflict. Some couples fight but also shower one another with affection. Other couples never raise their voices yet also seldom praise one another or nuzzle. Both styles can last. After observing the interactions of 2,000 couples, John Gottman [1994] reported one indicator of marital success: at least a five-to-one ratio of positive to negative interactions. Stable marriages provide five times more instances of smiling, touching, complimenting, and laughing than sarcasm, criticism, and insults. So, if you want to predict which newlyweds will stay together, do not pay attention to how passionately they are in love. The couples who make it are more often those who restrain from putting down their partners. To prevent a cancerous negativity, successful couples learn to fight fair [to state feelings without insulting] and to steer conflict away from chaos with comments like ‘I know it’s not your fault’ or ‘I’ll just be quiet for a moment and listen.’

~

Psychology: Eighth Edition by David G. Meyers

(I’m not sure if this answers the questions I have about my parents.)

01.27.09 /04:44

Canvas by andbamnan